Enjoy your life. :)

January 21, 2010

It's disheartening to feel like the kind of girlfriend that your boyfriend won't even try hard for. He puts me in a very difficult position. Not just with asking him to (actually) work out, but with so many other things. And I've finally come to realize that I have given in and compromised too much. I always let him have his way. What about my way? Why can't he sacrifice his ways for me sometimes? I've become too passive of a girlfriend, and I hate that. But let me get this straight. This isn't about me. It's about him. He doesn't try hard enough for me. I always end up trying to please him, and I'm growing very sick of it.

It became extra apparent to me that day I asked him what he has felt like he has given up in the relationship, or at least try to do for me regarding being in this relationship, and he couldn't think of even one example, except for the fact that he "tries" to text me every morning. *sigh* This is ridiculous. He is NOT taking me seriously at all. Dan is taking me for granted. He is taking my patience for granted. He fucken doesn't understand me still.

I have sacrificed so much of myself for him in this relationship. Especially with waiting for him to lose weight. He always has a different excuse every time it comes up. "I'll lose weight as soon as I move home, campus life makes me fat." "I simply don't have time to work out. I have such a busy school schedule." "I know it's summer but . "It's partially because of you that I haven't been able to lose weight. How am I supposed to lose any weight if I am surrounded by unhealthy influences --> you." "Basketball and volleyball IS my form of workout!" "As soon as school is over, I will workout. I will start a basketball league." "I can't help but compare you to other girls. For example, Noi and Stephanie don't seem to care that their boyfriends are getting fat, why do you care so much." "Omg I'm soo sore..."

It pissed me off that Dan would come up with a lame last minute excuse yesterday to leave the gym early so that he didn't have to face Joni and Jesse. He quickly came up with the lame excuse of lying to get out of going to the VSAM meeting so he has to keep the story straight by leaving the gym by a certain time. UGHHH. I don't like you and your lame cowardly excuses. Furthermore, I don't like how you are so irresponsible regarding VSAM. You are getting on people's bad sides, and I don't want to have anything to do with you when you bring people's criticisms upon yourself.

I do feel like Dan is very irresponsible in his VSAM vice president role. He constantly forgets to fulfill his duties, or meetings dates slip his mind completely. He misses out on phone conferences or meetings, and doesn't serve to motivate his fellow members enough. If you are going to be vice president, I can only support you if you are going to do a good job. I was never supportive of you running again in the first place. Now that you're not even living up to your role, I have nothing to defend you with. You're effen irresponsible.

What about not listening to me every time I tell you I don't want to do it. Do you not have ears? Your own girlfriend tells you she is too tired. But you NEVER listen. Which reminds me, the first year that we dated, all you wanted to do was CUDDLE. No wonder you got fat. You were too inactive.

I'm sorry I'm saying all these things. It actually really pisses me off thinking about all of these things. All of the ways you are inconsiderate or selfish. All the ways you aren't a good boyfriend.

I've put up with so much crap.

I've had to settle for "babe" instead of "Dan" and "Chi".
I've had to settle with him referring to me as "nó" Wtf.
I've had to settle with saying "I love you" prematurely.
With the way he dresses. The way he wears smelly air-dried clothes. The way his nose hair hangs out of his nose all the time. The way he is so unromantic, especially around his friends. The way he laughs at me when I am being serious. The way he makes up excuses. The way he likes kiddy movies... The way he uses annoying smileys in his IMs and texts. The way he NEVER wants to offer to pick me up from my house, his own girlfriend. The way he is so stingy with his money. The way he always wants something physical. The way he squeezes my butt even after I ask him NOT to. The way he is so immature. The way he is so immature. The way...

Chi was here @ 10:21 PM [ ]

It's time to be bold about who you really are.

You should understand that being different is fantastic. In fact, rejoice in all those things that make you different. Ultimately, it’s not how you look or what group you’re in that will determine your success in the world. I think you can carve new territory, you can do something completely out of the box, and if it is an act of love and goodness, it will be completely embraced---as bizarre as that may seem.

If you have faith in your real self, you’ll suffer less. You won’t waste valuable time that could be spent on more important things. There’s no time to waste. It’s time to be bold about who you really are.

Be passionate about what you do. ** MENTAL DISCIPLINE ** Stay true to yourself. Be confident. Pre-program your mind for success. Success is the best revenge. Remember everything about everyone. THINK before you SPEAK. and LISTEN carefully. Knowing yourself is the essence of being alive. If you have a goal, you can definitely accomplish it. You can do anything you set your mind to. Break through the barriers of pain, laziness, fear, and mediocrity. You have the power of free will. It is never too late to be the person you might have been.

Life is short.

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances, you just have to live life to the fullest. Laugh as much as you can, spend all your money, tell someone what they mean to you, tell someone off, speak out, dare to be different, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, pig out, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because when you look back someday, knowing you have no regrets it's going to be what makes you smile.
Have a good day!

Faith is the substance of all things hoped for. ** PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE ** Always act as if you are being videotaped. Always have good posture Pray (remember God) Read the news Take fish oil Constantly volunteer, do things, be active. Learn.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.